Proverbs 12:4 says “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, But she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones,” and 1 Corinthians 11:3 reads “the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.” It’s clear that an excellent, godly wife is of utmost value to a man, and it is even more apparent that if a wife is called to submit to her husband, who is her spiritual covering, then it is extremely important to marry a godly man. So why would I suggest to not pray for this if it’s so important. Well first I ought to explain what an excellent wife and husband are biblically so that we can understand why there is a better way to think and pray then simply petitioning God for your dream girl.
Defining Husband and Wife Biblically
What Makes a Woman a “Wife”
The connection we often make in our mind when we think of husband and wife is the wedding ceremony plus a ring signifying that the couple are married, and then living together. However, Proverbs 18:22 says, “He who finds a wife finds a treasure and receives favor from the Lord.” In this scenario, the woman is already a “wife” when the man finds her. While it’s true that the wedding ceremony and the ring make a marriage official, the point I’m trying to make is that we should redefine wife and husband, because the 2nd woman described in Proverbs 12:4(the wife who causes shame), or the quarrelsome wife described in Proverbs 27:15-16 doesn’t sound like the treasure and favor from the Lord described in Proverbs 18:22. According to Proverbs 31, an excellent wife fears the Lord, is trustworthy, strong, kind and wise(Proverbs 31:30, 31:11, 31:25, 31:26.) I would ultimately define a “wife” biblically as a woman walking in wisdom, as biblical wisdom starts with the fear of the Lord and matures into submission(to the Lord first and foremost), strength, character and honor.
What Makes a Man a “Husband”
Proverbs 31 primarily talks about the character of an excellent wife, but a notable verse is verse 23 which says, “‘Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.” So the husband of an excellent wife is a widely respected and influential man. To redefine “husband” or at least an excellent husband, I would say that a husband is a man walking in his God given purpose. A man can only be in authority over his assignment if he is in submission to Jesus Christ. In other words, God must be the sovereign king over his life in order for a man to be made “king” over his assignment. Revelation 1:6 says that Jesus has made us “kings and priests to His God and Father.” Jesus came preaching the gospel of the kingdom saying “repent and believe, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand.” Kingdom is a compound word comprising of two words, king and dominion. So a kingdom is that which a king has dominion over, and Jesus has made us kings and priests. In the creation narrative in Genesis, we see that man was made for dominion and authority on earth and through Jesus we are reconciled and empowered to walk in that authority as originally intended. In order to walk in our divine authority we must also live in true submission to Jesus; so my recommendation to my brothers and sisters in Christ who desire to have a beautiful lifelong marriage someday, is to seek to submit everything to Jesus and trust that he will provide everything we need along the way, including the perfect partner for us. “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” This means seek Jesus, and seek to submit all your ways to Him, and all you need will be given to you at the appropriate time, trust that God knows that timing better than you do.
A “wife” is a woman walking in wisdom.
A “husband” is a man walking in his God given purpose.
My standards for a wife were significantly different 2+ years ago than they are now, I thank God I didn’t choose someone as my lifelong partner at that point in time. I’ve also grown and learned so much living in abstinence that I feel so much more prepared to accept the responsibility of being a father and husband. So instead of asking for God to give me an amazing wife(which he already knows I desire), I ask God to prepare me to be an amazing husband and father and to shape me into a man that is worthy of taking care of His most precious daughter(my future wife). So now instead of my prayers looking like I’m begging God for a blessing, I’m actually giving Him permission to renew my mind and shape me into a better man that will inherently attract a more excellent wife. As we saw in Proverbs 31:23, the husband of an excellent wife is respected and influential, but we also see that verses 3-4 say, “Do not spend your strength on women, your vigor on those who ruin kings. It is not for kings, Lemuel— it is not for kings to drink wine, not for rulers to crave beer.” As men of God we ought not to live chasing women and a worldly lifestyle; if you desire a healthy marriage with an amazing woman of God you’ll be a lot better off submitting to God, chasing Him, re-learning your identity in Him and renewing your mind in the process, than you would be praying for a wife to fall in your lap(and vice-versa for women.)
Instead of asking for God to give me an amazing wife, I ask God to prepare me to be an amazing husband and father and to shape me into a man that is worthy of taking care of His most precious daughter.
Key Verses
- “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6
- “Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4
- “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” Romans 12:2
The Design of Marriage
A wife’s job is not to help a man find his purpose, rather it is to help him fulfill his purpose. I want to point out that I’m not implying woman has no purpose outside of her husband, neither am I saying woman aren’t anointed and gifted in many of the same, or even greater capacities then men at times, that wouldn’t be true. That being said, when making opinions and beliefs about men/women or husband/wife it is super important to look at Genesis to see how we were originally designed to function. We read in Genesis 2:15, “The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it.” Then verse 18 says, “‘The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” And finally verse 20, “So Adam gave names to all cattle, to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him,” and then woman was made and was presented to the man. Note that the man already had his task and purpose, then God gave him his helper. – To be clear, helper is absolutely not a demeaning term or mean that you are “lesser”. Romans 8:26 and John 14:26 calls the Holy Spirit our helper. – It is not a wife’s job to raise a Christian boy, but it is a wife’s responsibility to aid a man of God in fulfilling what has been assigned to him by God. Reminder that a man of God can only be in authority over what God has assigned him if he is in submission to Jesus, and it often takes time in submission to reach levels of spiritual maturity to come to this place of assignment and responsibility, aka purpose.
Woman ought to understand that a husband is a spiritual covering over them, Paul writes that a husband is the head of the wife in the same way that Jesus is the head of the Church, and that is designed to be a beautiful thing. So if your spiritual covering(husband) isn’t fully submitted to Jesus, this will leave you and your family more vulnerable to the enemy. If a man and woman come together as one flesh, and are fully submitted to Christ and are working together to fulfill His purpose in their lives, they will spend less time fighting and more time fulfilling. My last thoughts, particularly for women waiting for their husband, is don’t fall in love with potential. Choose purpose over potential, you don’t want to be raising a boy that ought to be leading you. When I say purpose > potential it doesn’t mean a man needs to have every aspect of his life and finances and calling figured out, it simply means to choose a man that is truly submitted to God already, not on the fence or lukewarm, and one that is diligent and not complacent.
PURPOSE > POTENTIAL
Stay Blessed by the Best